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Tomorrow is my dad’s funeral. The terminology for death can be baffling; is it a wake, viewing, memorial, funeral or do you go to the funeral home, funeral parlor, or church? It has been a sense-deadening whirlwind. Between eating, reminiscing with family and friends, and getting ready for services; it hits me: my dad is gone. Knowing this day was coming could not prepare me for the feeling of great loss. Please pray for me as I prepare to share about my dad at the funeral tomorrow (today if you are on the East Coast.)
II Corinthians 5:17:
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
At 6:10 am Eastern Standard Time my dad left his tent on this earth; thank you to all of you who have been praying for me and my family. Please continue to pray as we prepare for the memorial services.
I will leave you with hope from the beginning of chapter 5 in II Corinthians:
1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
6Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7We live by faith, not by sight. 8We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. 10For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.
Before starting this entry, I read a story in The Washington Post about brain research. The headline proclaimed “If It Feels Good to Be Good, It Might Be Only Natural.” At first I was intrigued; it seems that researchers have found some evidence that altruism is hardwired into the brain. How exciting! People might actually enjoy being selfless. Do not fret, Shankar Vedantam (the author of the article) saves humanity from having any hope. Although he opens with the philosophical and spiritual implications of altruism being hardwired into the brain, he quickly detours into the minefield of moral questions: killing babies and euthanasia. Sweet, humans are awesome.
But fear not, hope is only a few clicks away. A couple of months ago I found myself in the parking lot of Target listening to NPR. This American Life had been on the radio, one of my favorite shows; the episode was called “Kid Logic.” As I drove home, about 0.8 miles–don’t judge me, I went somewhere else first, a story came on about a child trying to cope with his father dying of a terminal disease. His father, a strong healthy man who ran marathons and ate organic food, had a rare disease where he loses his brain function. As Julie Hill–the mother of the child–explained it, he was aging backwards.
Soon after his father was diagnosed, the child began to scrunch up his face and declare, “eww!” whenever he saw a baby–I am glad he did not read the previously mentioned article. Mrs. Hill could not figure it out until she heard Elton John singing “The Circle of Life.” In The Lion King, dying is explained to Simba as a circle: someone dies so someone can be born. This little boy saw these babies as a threat to his father, not little people who cry when they don’t get their way, poop their pants, and melt the hearts of any person with just a smile. No matter how flawed this logic is, it is beautiful; human interaction cannot be reduced to logic, no matter how complex. Dare I say, this “faulty” logic is really this child acting on the hardwired propensity for altruism.
I will not spoil anymore of the story; go, listen to it. After the story ended, I sat in my car weeping. It was uncontrolable; all I wanted to do was to hold my wife. I stumbled inside, kicked off my shoes, found my wife–who was napping in bed, and fell into her arms weeping. In hind site, this was probably not the best way to greet a sleeping mommy, but she was gracious and loving.
She continues to be gracious and loving. I have not seen my wife in over two weeks. I have been with my father who has decided to stop chemo after fighting Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma for 17 years. He has told me stories about his father in Tokyo Harbor shooting mines with a 50-caliber gun, stayed up late just to talk to me, taken his last motorcycle ride, and talked about computers with me. God has blessed this time with my dad, but now he is on the downward slope. Peggy–my step-mom–and I just walked my dad around the house for various reasons: he wanted to go upstairs; file his taxes in West Virginia; and, after having his glasses placed on his bedside table by his sister, fill out a missing glasses report. It makes my heart hurt; it took all my strength to keep laughing and not burst out into tears. As he was maneuvering into to bed, I said “Good night.” He looked back with a smile, winked, and said goodnight. Sleep well dad.
